Q: What's the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker?
A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

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How can we rely on a market GURU, someone who has a General Understanding Relatively Useless.

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They say that Christopher Columbus was the first economist. When he left to discover America, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there he didn't know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant.

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An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

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A long time ago, a visitor from out of town came to a tour in Manhattan. At the end of the tour they took him to the financial district. When they arrived to Battery Park the guide showed him some nice yachts anchoring there, and said, "Here are the yachts of our bankers and stockbrokers." "And where are the yachts of the investors?" asked the naive visitor.

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A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. There the waiter asks him: "Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?"
The guru replies: "I'm feeling rather hungry right now. You'd better cut it into eight pieces."

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The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.